Part A (Situation 1)
1) Present Reaction: I applied one of the assertiveness techniques, namely broken record which we have learned in the class to the following situation:
Detailed description of the situation:
My classmate: Could you give me the book you promised. I want to write my essay this morning.
I: I’ll give it to you in the evening. There is an interesting program on TV now, I cannot miss this program.
My classmate: But you promised to give me the book in the morning.
I: Sorry, but I was busy with my car in the morning. Now I need it. I’m going to write my essay after the program and the book is very important for me.
My classmate: I see.
I: The program lasts only one hour. Then I will write my essay. In the evening, I will give you the book. OK?
My classmate: That’s all right. Thank you.
I: Not at all.
I used broken record technique in the above mentioned situation. My classmate politely and at the same time firmly asked me to give him the book. In the broken record technique the request can be repeated several times until the necessary answer is got, or a workable compromise for this or that situation is reached by the individuals. (Hartley, 2006, p.56)
2) Past reaction: I should say that it was very difficult for me to handle such a situation in the past. My previous response style was an aggressive one. I could not stand such people who insisted on their ideas. I was rather nervous when they started to make me do as they wanted.
3) How did you feel as you used the new assertive technique? I felt confident. I cannot say that I was nervous because I knew this new assertive technique’s behavior and tried to follow it.
4) Outcome: The consequences or the results of my assertion are concluded in the following facts. Not long ago I suffered a loss of self-confidence and had great problems in communication. The broken record assertive technology helped me to be persistent and I kept saying what I needed in this or that case. I was not irritated. The results were positive. Now I am happy that I can use this assertive technique in the appropriate situation and remain calm. My classmate was a little bit surprised because he always made me do as he wanted in the past.
Part B (Situation 2)
1) Present reaction: In the following situation I applied another assertive technique – negative assertion.
Detailed description of the situation:
Grandmother: I think that you pay not too much attention to me. Sometimes I think that you even forget about me.
I: Yes, you are right. Last time I was too busy at my work.
Grandmother: You say it as if it is a normal thing.
I: Yes, I know that I was wrong when I did not visit you.
Grandmother: You do not follow my advice. You always do as you want.
I: Yes, you are right here. I don’t always listen to what you say.
In this situation I used negative assertion technique which helped me to avoid aggressive behavior and to have great problems in communication with my grandmother.
2) Past reaction: I can say that my reaction concerning such a situation when somebody says negative things about myself was rather emotional because I could not hear all those insult things about myself and I always tried to argue with those people who wanted to insult me.
3) How did you feel as you used the new assertive technique? I felt confident because I knew that this technique will help me to change my aggressive behavior and to remain calm in any situation when someone tries to say negative things about me. This assertive technique allowed me to look more patiently at negative aspects in my own behavior without any defensive responses which can lead to quarrels and breach of relations.
4) Outcome: The consequences of using this assertive technique were positive. I am a self-confident person who can master his emotions and remain calm in any situation. I have learned to behave diplomatically and to avoid quarrels. My grandmother was astonished by my behavior. She said that it was not anything like me.
I think that all six assertive techniques are necessary for good communication. Of course, it is very important to use them in the appropriate situation to avoid aggressive behavior of other people.
1 Broken Record S
2 Negative Assertion S
3 Self-Disclosure AG
4 Negative inquiry AG
5 Fogging S
6 Workable compromise AG
I am going to continue practice the following skills as self-respect and self-confidence, patience and calmness. Such assertive techniques as workable compromise, negative inquiry and self-disclosure require my serious relation and should be practiced with my classmates, my relatives and my teachers. I’ll try to choose the appropriate situation when I will be able to apply these assertive techniques.
Hartley, Mary.(2006) The Assertiveness Handbook. Sheldon Press Edition.