Mother Blame Essay

For many years the practice for mother blame was typical and there was no chance for women to avoid some kind of blaming. They are traditionally blamed for the fact the pay too much attention to their children, if the do not pay such an attention they are also blamed. It is probably one of the most serious family problems as women are traditionally regarded as mothers and have no other chance but be ”˜perfect mothers’: “Clinical psychology journals found that mothers were blamed for seventy-two different kinds of problems in their offspring, ranging from bed-wetting to schizophrenia, from inability to deal with color blindness to aggressive behavior, from learning problems to ”˜homicidal transsexualism’” (Caplan, 1998). It has become a normal practice to blame women for their children’s mistakes and problems. Actually children’s problems are often regarded to the social situations of their mothers ”“ employed mothers do not pay necessary attention to their children, poor mothers do not provide needed facilities and care, divorced mothers are also blamed in the fact their children do not have father and that seriously influence their behaviour.

Numerous scientific researches give us many supportive facts that mother-blame has bad influence not only on women but on their children themselves: “Mother-blame not only puts a tremendous burden of guilt and anxiety on women with children it also deflects attention from social solutions for ensuring the well-being of children” (Caplan, 1998)

There are huge factors that society does not take into consideration, but using dogmas and stereotypes to blame women for unsuccessfulness of their children. They even do not think about the factor of growing up ”“ children will grow up and become more serious and achieve certain success.

In one of her books Paula Caplan examined mother-daughter relations as one of typical ”˜mother blame’ problems. She took into consideration the difference of two generations and took as the thesis 4 mostly widespread myths about mothers and daughters:

“Myth #1: The measure of a good mother is a “perfect” daughter.

Myth #2: Mothers are endless founts of nurturance.

Myth #3: Mothers naturally know how to raise children.

Myth #4: Mothers don’t get angry” (Caplan, 1998)

The complex of a ”˜bad mother’ usually strongly influences the previous generation. Women feel guilty when their daughters blame them in some mistakes, or some failures of their lives. Actually none of the children’s failures could be the faults of the parents. They could help, support but the final decision child takes himself. It is always a huge stress for loving mothers (especially of my mom’s generation) to hear blaming words from their kids. The major part of them ”“ my mother and her neighbors and friends probably will be a good example ”“ refused the career success in favour to bring up children and when it turned out that they ”˜have spoilt all their life’ it become a real stress for them. They become feeling guilty, which causes certain psychological problems.

I strongly support the position of Paula Caplan and many other researches who are studying the aspect of ”˜mother blaming’ in the field of family relations. It is very important nowadays to study mothering and what impact is produced on women by such factors as mother blaming. Social and family blaming influences mothers a lot and may cause depression and feelings of betray and vainness.

The relations between mothers and daughters could develop in further friendship when neither mother nor daughter will feel guilty or blame for something. In contemporary world publicity of the burning family problems have huge influence on contemporary society. The set stereotypes and dogmas of mothering and motherhood are broken and impartial facts about parent-children relations are discussed from psychological point of you. That makes a good advantage for further generations as they have got a perfect chance to use our experience and our researches. They chance to avoid serious mistakes in the field of mother-daughter relations and change their attitude to the institution of motherhood.

Psychologists suggest how to avoid mother blaming in contemporary family relations: “Firstly, families are composed of individuals with both common and diverse interests.  Secondly, our ideas about children and families are historically and culturally situated.  Thirdly, families are economically and culturally situated and may vary accordingly.  And fourthly, the care of children is a public issue that is connected to larger social and economic forces” (Anita Garey, Terry Arendell, 1999).

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