Why marriages fail

A successful married life is a complicated thing. Approximately 50% of all marriages fail, many of which fail in terms of the first year. Every couple starts out with their best intentions, white dresses, gentle flowers in the buckets and flourishing feeling of love. But nobody knows when the story tale is to come to its end. Anyhow most of problems erase too suddenly for spouses to be ready for them.

It is notorious but about 50% of first marriages for men under age 45 may end in
divorce, and between 44 and 52% of women’s first marriages may end in divorce for these age groups. The possibility of a divorce is lowest for men and women at the age 60, for whom 36 % of men and 32 percent of women may divorce from their first marriage by the end of their lives. Projections based on those data implied that about one-third of married persons who were 25 to 35 years old in 1975 would end their first marriage in divorce.[1]

Let’s analyze what reasons are most frequently uttered as a reply to the question ”˜why did your marriage fail?’.

According to the 2004 data, extramarital affairs are on the top. It accounts for 27 per cent of marriages ending in divorce. Problems of communication make spouses split for 12 per cent of the divorces. 8 per cent of marriages fail n the reason of financial difficulties (including bank debts).

Lack of communication. As a matter of fact every single conflict may be resolved through communication. It is not a secret, any how, that many couples have serious problems with expressing their feelings to the partner. It leads to grosser misunderstanding and far more furious fights that the conflict itself implied. In such a case even the smallest problems will become insurmountable. Communication is a necessary thing for partners to share their dreams and life goals, concerns and hopes with each other as well as calming down each one’s ego during the fights. If one or both partners lack effective communications skills it becomes difficult to resolve arguments because the couple is not able to understand each others points of view.

Financial problems. Even most strong and devoted relationships can be broken if one of the spouses or even both of them can’t cope with financial difficulties. Life may be spontaneous and unexpected and t is true that financial crisis may happen even in prosperous families. “Money is the one thing that people say they argue about most in
marriage, followed by children”[2]. Here it is especially important to remember how deep love is and that crisis will step off, but constant quarrels about it may make things impossible to be fixed.

Infidelity.  The next serious reason for divorce is infidelity. It happens when feelings of depression, stress or just being overwhelmed with the pressures of life can cause some people to neglect their appearance and hygiene.

Another reason for looking outside the marriage is when couples become very demanding. ”˜Faults are thick where love is thin’ the proverb says. A wife or husband may not realize that nagging and complaining is demanding. It puts a lot of pressure on a spouse to be a certain way for the other. And if they are unable to follow the desired wishes and commands then they start searching for peace outside the house. It is known that 75 per cent of men are found to be involved in extramarital affairs, 25 per cent of women have relationship with men outside the purview of marriage ”“ these data are collected in 2004.

Today the social institution of marriage is not stable enough. Previously people strived for making things better within their own family if anything bothered them and thus made a problem. As for now it is far easier just to change a partner without penetrating into the problem. Nevertheless it is not so easy in reality ”“ in fact problems won’t disappear if we escape from them. And also it is true that in divorce there are always two partners to blame. Knowing of main factors of ruining of marriages will obviously help people to prevent some of such difficulties and may be at least one family less will fail in future.

[1] First marriage dissolution, divorce, and
remariage: United States, Advance Data From Vital and Health Statistics; No.323. Hyattsville
MD: National Center for Health Statistics: 2 1.

[2] Gottman, J. M.  (1993) A theory of marital dissolution and stability.  Journal of Family Psychology, 7, 57-75.

Leave a Reply